October 17th, 2024
Why a Website?
The Big Question
As I work on this site, relearning the web development lessons I should have remembered from my college web dev classes, I ask myself a simple question:
(￣_￣) why am I making a site in an age where people don't web surf and everyone just uses social media for everything... I live a very busy life and yet, I’ve always been kind of in awe of neocities. I don’t remember my first encounter with this site (although if I had to guess it was probably from a youtuber reacting to different pages years ago) but ever since I’ve learned about it I’ve been intrigued by it. I would find myself coming back to the site year after year to see what has changed and to introduce my friends to the site.
However, the idea of actually making my own custom website seemed quite frankly, like a waste of time. This time was especially important for me as a teenager since I was dead set on two goals. Leaving my home town and pursuing game development.
I still don’t regret those decisions, but I think my desperation to escape my stressful homelife and my obsessive ambition to create games consumed all parts of my life and still does to this day. I still have memories of not being able to sleep because I was so anxious of failing and being sent back home, stuck not being able to do the one thing that keeps me happy in this world. I would work nonstop to the point of vomiting and the worst part was that this is rewarded in our world.
A Transition in Perspective
This is a story for another day, but basically this unhealthy behavior caught up to me and I had to reinvent myself or things were going to get worse very quickly. It was through this reinvention that I also realized I was trans, which again is a story for another day.
My main point here, is that for a long time I had been hyper focused on my goals to a unhealthy degree. Some of my friends would probably argue that I still am… but hey I’m trying to get better ok! Getting better takes time and that’s ok. (๑•﹏•)
I had been living life at such a fast and busy pace to actively ignore the issues eating away at me instead of confronting and healing from them. That’s why I want to get better at doing stuff that I think is fun and cool and that’s what this website is to me. It may not be the most productive thing for me to do but it’s something I know I’ll get a lot of lasting happiness from creating.
My intimate relationship with the internet.
Having my own personal website that’s entirely me is something I’ve desired in secret for a long time and I think I know why. The internet basically saved my life. I would not be here today without the internet. It’s where I played games and connected with friends. It’s how I learned programming and game development. Hell, it’s how I figured out how to properly apply for college since my family had never done it before.
I legitimately probably wouldn’t be alive right now if it wasn’t for these awesome series of tubes! I want to have my one cool piece of the World Wide Web so bad! It's similar to why I love making games! This technological medium was so influential in my life and I needed that at such a young age. I think I would be an infinitely worse person without.
My major plan for this website is to take things slow and to deep dive into the parts of life I enjoy. From my game development career to my secret interest in Lolita fashion. I’m tried of feeling like a loser for wanting to be me and enjoy the thing that I like! Cringe culture is dead RAHHH! (◣_◢)
It’s also why I named this site Mary Masters Media. This site is my first public use of my new name. I’m still currently semi-closted only telling close friends due to shame and fear of my family finding out. However, I want these feelings to change, I want to be me, and this site is kind of my first step into trying to do that haha.
The Current State of the Internet
However I would be lying if I said there wasn’t one more reason why. Looking at stuff like the rise of generative artificial intelligence, the gross overstepping of tech companies sucking their users for all their worth, and just… everything that is happening with twitter has made the internet feel fragile in my mind.
The world online feels stressful. I want this website to be my little paradise away from all of that since a lot of stuff would have to go wrong for this site to go down and that is nice to have in an age of corporate greed.
There isn’t much yet on here but I’m already starting to love working on this site in the brief moments I have. We will just see how it goes and hopefully one day it can be a site for everyone to enjoy. :3