January 1st, 2025

CONSISTENCY CONSISTENCY CONSISTENCY

2024 Review: HELL

This year sucked. Starting with massive layoffs in the game industry that ran the entire year. 5,995 in just January alone! Which was heartbreaking to see as someone trying to enter the industry. It also did not help to see this trend of executive greed seep into almost every major global and political disaster that happened this year. The news this year became suffocating.

I then spiraled out of control as my repressed gender dysphoria finally caught up to me. I had tried SO damn hard to avoid it but it was futile. After a quick trip to the psych ward and some anti depressants that did not work I knew the problem’s origin. A feeling I had been bottling up for years. Like a can of soda shook too hard, it erupted and so I started transitioning right before summer started. That summer then became the lowest point in my entire life. The hormones made me cry daily. My home was full of cockroaches and I slept on a terrible mattress laid out on the ground. Waking up to little insects running up and down my legs and arms. My family members freaked me out and I did all of this while working. It drove me nuts, and to this day I still have a heightened fear of insects from the whole ordeal.

To top it all off, in October I lost the last family member who supported me in an actionable way to cancer. The appearance of cancer was so sudden, unexpected, and swift. It left me in shambles. In all honesty, I am still in shambles. Every day feels like a chore. Every day hurts. It was only through the support of some close friends that I have not taken the opportunities to just up and kill myself. Despite desiring it daily.

2025 Theme: Consistency

However, after the year I’ve had. I need to set a theme for this year. One to keep me on the right path. One to keep sane. Which is why I am announcing that this will be the year of consistency for me! One lesson that I have learned from overwhelming strive and misfortune is that consistency has always helped me keep my head on my shoulders. It is, in fact, one of the first signs I notice when I realize I am spiraling into a depressive state. Lack of consistency ruins my sleep. Lack of consistency hurts the amount of time I can spend with friends. Consistency is an overlooked aspect of someone’s life that I feel many take for granted. Good art is not made by artists who have only just taken up the practice. Proper expertise takes time. Time requires patience which can be nurtured by practicing consistency.

My hope is that by trying to stick to a more strict routine. Sleeping at well set times. Working out and performing actions on more strictly set days and time. It will hopefully help my brain take things easy. Laying in bed sulking and crying can be good in moderation. However, I’ve found that when I am left to my own devices, especially now, I become suicidal at a rapid rate. Which is why I want to have consistent tasks. Not only for self improvement but also for my health.

Progress by Utilizing Daily Tracking

The list of consistent tasks and improvements I plan to make consist of:

• Morning Skincare Routine
• Midnight Skincare Routine
• Daily Stretches
• Daily Journaling
• Daily Japanese Language Learning
• Daily Reading
• Daily Voice Training (SO HARD AHHH)
• Weekly Drawing
• Weekly Writing
• Working out 3 Times a Week
  

I plan to track my progress by using Notion which I’ve been using for quite a while but I’ve only recently been using it to track my habits. These tasks I do not plan to hit every single time for the entirety of the year. In fact, I am confident I will fail at some point or even have a streak of failure. However, that is not the point of this theme to me as of right now. The entire goal of this is to just keep myself trending towards a more positive future version of myself. One that has been able to move on from the grief, loneliness, and trauma created by 2024.

We will have to see how this theme plays out. Wish me luck!